Re: Two Zimbabweans on a bicycle
Posted by: panzer
Date: September 14, 2009 01:19PM

A man comes to Swiss bank. "Hey, I would like to give 3 mio dollars into your bank," he whispers to the employee.
"Sir, you do not have to whisper. In Switzerland, we do not care if you are poor!"

Re: Two Zimbabweans on a bicycle
Date: September 15, 2009 02:39PM

Q: Why do the Swiss work 7 days a week?
A: It saves having to retrain them on Monday.




Q: What job function does a Swiss have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.



Q: How do Swiss brain cells die?
A: Alone.



My favorite forums
http://www.graphixanstuff.com
http://www.closeprotectionworld.co.uk/index.php?referrerid=11530

Re: Two Zimbabweans on a bicycle
Posted by: disrupted
Date: September 17, 2009 07:01AM

why you shouldn't park beside a hydrant


eco-friendly vehicle


Re: Two Zimbabweans on a bicycle
Posted by: disrupted
Date: September 17, 2009 07:11AM

the most effective theft-deterrent system you can buy

http://kmext.sourceforge.net/media/capa-carro-roubo1.wmv



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/17/2009 07:27AM by disrupted.

Re: Two Zimbabweans on a bicycle
Date: September 18, 2009 08:16PM

Quote
disrupted
the most effective theft-deterrent system you can buy

http://kmext.sourceforge.net/media/capa-carro-roubo1.wmv

Until the wind starts blowing.....


My favorite forums
http://www.graphixanstuff.com
http://www.closeprotectionworld.co.uk/index.php?referrerid=11530

USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Date: September 24, 2009 02:41PM

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "FCUK". It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love and hate.

In language, "FCUK" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John Fcuked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was Fcuked by John).

It can be an active verb (John really gives a Fcuk) or a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a Fcuk); or an adverb (Mary is Fcuking interested in John), and as a noun (Mary is a terrific Fcuk).

It can be used as an adjective (Mary is Fcuking beautiful). As you can see, there are very few words with the versatility of "Fcuk".

Besides its s_e_x_ual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

Greetings How the Fcuk are you?
Fraud I got Fcuked by the tax man today.
Dismay Oh, Fcuk it!
Trouble Well, I guess I'm Fcuked now.
Aggression Fcuk you.
Disgust Fcuk me.
Confusion What the Fcuk...?
Difficulty I don't understand this Fcuking business.
Despair I'm Fcuked again.
Incompetence He Fcuks up everything.
Displeasure What the Fcuk is going on here?
Lost Where the Fcuk are we?
Disbelief Unfcukingbelieveable.
Retaliation Stick it up your Fcuking arse.
Telling time I have to work till 5 o-Fcuking-clock.


It can be used in an anatomical description -- "He's a fcuking asshole."
It can be used to tell time -- "It's five fcuking thirty."
It can be used in business -- "How did I wind up with this fculing job?"
It can be maternal -- as in "Motherfcuker".
It can be political -- "Fcuk Gordon Brown."

And, never forget General Custer's last words: "Where did all these fcuking Indians come from?"

Or the Mayor of Hiroshima: "What the fcuk was that?"

And last, but not least, the immortal words of the Captain of the Titanic: "Where is all this fcuking water coming from?"

The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses of the word. How can anyone be offended when you say fcuk?

Use it frequently in your daily speech; it adds to your prestige.
Today - say to someone "Fcuk You!"


My favorite forums
http://www.graphixanstuff.com
http://www.closeprotectionworld.co.uk/index.php?referrerid=11530

firefighter
Date: October 01, 2009 12:52PM

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the
sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire
truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer..
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run
your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think
you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren.'


My favorite forums
http://www.graphixanstuff.com
http://www.closeprotectionworld.co.uk/index.php?referrerid=11530

Re: firefighter
Posted by: disrupted
Date: October 02, 2009 02:25PM

$fucked=("c:\program files\mozilla\firefox.exe")

Re: firefighter
Posted by: disrupted
Date: October 08, 2009 07:35AM

arnold pizza delivery (audio sketch)

working on a mac (wmv 3.5 mb)
old video..this guy was student in MIT, i think he was working on os 9..hopefully he doesn;t need to work on macs now



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/08/2009 07:58AM by disrupted.

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: Yogi
Date: October 09, 2009 05:51AM

Quote
Gorilla no baka
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "FCUK".
Reminds me of a fcuking awesome mouse

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: panzer
Date: October 09, 2009 03:55PM

CIA wanted to recrute new members. To eliminate the weak ones, they prepared a special task.

First candidate was a man. They told him to kill his wife with a gun, which was in a room beside theirs. They did not tell him that the bullets were blanks. He went into the room and came out a minute latter with words:"I just can not do it."

Second candidate was a man. They also told him to kill his wife with a gun, which was in a room beside theirs. They did not tell him that the bullets were blanks. He went into the room and came out two minutes latter with words:"I just can not do it."

Third candidate was a woman. They told her to shoot her husband. Then she went into the room. First they heard a couple of shoots, then a noise. When they entered the room, husband was already lying dead on the floor. Woman yelled:"Which moron gave me blanks!?! For Christ sake, I had to kill him with a chair!"

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: 888
Date: October 12, 2009 05:20AM

A ship with 30 sailors and 1 woman strands on a desert island.

After one month the woman says:
- I can not take it any longer!
And she suicides herself.

After another month, the sailors say:
- She can not take it any longer!
And they bury the woman.

After another month, the sailors say:
- We can not take it any longer!!
And they dig up the woman.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2009 05:20AM by 888.

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: Yogi
Date: October 30, 2009 12:25AM

Computer Lust

Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked his Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."

Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL and a PR1ME mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all over the place.

He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit floating point processors and enquired "How are you, Honeywell?". "Yes, I am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.

Micro settled for a straight line approximation.
"I'm stand-alone tonight", he said, "How about computing a vector to my base address?
I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get offset later on."

Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then transmitted 8 K.
"I've been dumped myself recently, and a new page is just what I need to refresh my disks. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet you inside." She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable, I wonder if she'd like my firmware?"

They sat down at the process table to top of form feed of fiche and chips and a bucket of baudot. Mini was in conversation mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while Micro gave the occassional acknowledgements, although, in reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old 'Would you like to_see_my_benchmark routine', but Mini was again one step ahead.

Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the full functionality of her operating system software. "Let's get BASIC, you RAM", she said. Micro was loaded by this; his hardware was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hang-up that Micro had consulted his analyst about. "Core", was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.

Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC and opened her divide files to reveal her data set ready. He accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape sequence.

"No, no!", she cried, "You're not shielded!"

"Reset, Baby", he replied, "I've been debugged."

"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support child processes", she protested.

"Don't run away", he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."

"No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my design philosophy."

Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned off.
But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.

"Computers!", she thought, as she recompiled herself. "All they ever think of is hex!"

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: disrupted
Date: November 06, 2009 03:34AM

that was hilarous yogi :d

not a fan:


http://djplb.wordpress.com/2009/
Page Title: 2009 « Website Marketing and Advertising News





Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’ s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.
We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so

Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house..

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That’s in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it’s safe to come home.

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: panzer
Date: November 06, 2009 09:08PM

Father, no girl wants to speak to me. What should I do?

My child, put a potato in your pants. You will see the difference.

Next day:
father, girls are screaming and running away everytime when they see me!

You idiot, you should put a potato at the front of your pants, not at the back!

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: panzer
Date: November 14, 2009 03:50AM







Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: Yogi
Date: November 14, 2009 08:37AM



Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: disrupted
Date: November 14, 2009 09:19AM

i'm feeling lucky! ofcourse grinning smiley

Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: panzer
Date: November 20, 2009 01:40AM

Folowing game France vs Ireland :


Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: panzer
Date: November 22, 2009 06:08PM

Car made from white gold:







Re: USE OF THE WORD FCUK
Posted by: disrupted
Date: November 23, 2009 01:31AM

nah.. that's chrome paint. sometimes mistaken for silver or white gold especially when associated with 'petrodollars'.

not exactly cheap and normally used to give alloy wheels an extra shiny layer but around the mid 90's in the states, a trend started to give motorbikes an entire chrome treatment and then it spread to cars and sometimes even big trucks (stupid capitalists who don't really know how to do somehing useful with their money)

it's not a very smart idea because it's still a heavy primer which affects power-to-weight-ratio and will decrease performance

another disadvantage of chrome paints is that like brushed aluminium they require special maintenance and frequent polishing

alsa, is the u.s. company that pioneered chrome paints:
http://www.alsacorp.com/

more chrome paintjobs:
http://images.google.com/images?q=chrome%20paintjobs&ie=ISO-8859-1&hl=en

Re:jokes
Posted by: disrupted
Date: November 24, 2009 06:47AM

portable km tongue sticking out smiley


Re: jOKES
Posted by: jar
Date: November 24, 2009 07:30PM

I like this one: A man on a sea shore shouts at all directions: seagull for sale, seagull for just five pounds. A man comes by and watches him. Then he thinks: five pounds, what a prize! He steps to the man and say: I´ll take one. The man takes his money and shows to the sky: overthere, that one is yours.

Re: jOKES
Posted by: siria
Date: November 27, 2009 01:55AM

grinning smiley grinning smiley grinning smiley
Never bothered looking in here before, but some of the jokes and pics are really too cool, LOL!! Will have to drop by occasionally... grinning smiley

Re: Re:jokes
Date: December 07, 2009 02:51PM

Quote
disrupted
portable km tongue sticking out smiley

Nice one...Not so agressive but i love it..

Well done!


My favorite forums
http://www.graphixanstuff.com
http://www.closeprotectionworld.co.uk/index.php?referrerid=11530

Re: Re:jokes
Posted by: Yogi
Date: December 09, 2009 04:44AM
No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: guenter
Date: December 12, 2009 05:43AM

In the light of (recent) events (Aus gegebenem Anlass).

If MS had to pay one Euro for each hour (Wenn MS zahlen müsste, einen Euro für jede Stunde)

of unpayed support aid for its products (unbezahlter Hilfe für seine Produkte).

Then:
Dann:

Mr. Gates would be one off the poorest on this planet.

Wäre Herr Gates einer der Ärmsten auf diesem Planeten.

Quote: ME, after installing Visual Studio .Net 2003 Standard.
Zitiert: Ich, nach der Installation von.....

mad smiley

Murr

Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: Yogi
Date: December 16, 2009 08:14AM





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2009 08:20AM by Yogi.

Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: disrupted
Date: December 16, 2009 07:55PM

grinning smiley HEHE.. feel sorry for the guy though

Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: December 16, 2009 09:16PM

grinning smiley

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