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Re: jOKES
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 11, 2010 08:45PM



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Re: jOKES
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 13, 2010 03:55PM



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Re: jOKES
Posted by: Yogi
Date: January 15, 2010 03:38AM

A more romantic holiday picture than the above one with the lioness.



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Re: jOKES
Posted by: disrupted
Date: January 15, 2010 04:16AM



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Re: jOKES
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 15, 2010 11:47PM



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Re: jOKES
Posted by: disrupted
Date: January 17, 2010 05:28AM

grinning smiley i haven't seen it yet but i'm still gonna for the graphics alone

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: Yogi
Date: January 17, 2010 08:23AM

Quote
panzer
Obama - serious, looking in the distance
Canadian PM- just lost
Berlusconi - always looks at ass
Sarkozy - always looks at ass with a smile on his face:

Want proof? Look at the picture:


Whereas Obama doesn't always look serious in the distance Sarkozy always looks at ass with a smile on his face:



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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 18, 2010 12:42AM

All Km forum members find itself on a desert island. On third day they catch a golden fish.
"Please, throw me back in river. I grant you 3 wishes!"
"Very well," says Dorian. "My group want to leave the island. Send us home!"
Done. The second group around Disrupted also wants to go home. Done again.
Now, only Panzer is left on the island.
"Now, what do you want?" says fish.

"I feel lonely. please, bring THEM BACK!"

grinning smiley



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2010 12:48AM by panzer.

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 22, 2010 04:03PM

A priest sees road accident, in which a car runs over a man. He crosses himself whilr he is still laying on the floor. Priest runs to him and says:"My son..." But man interrups him and says:"No, padre, I am an atheist." "How so?" asks a priest."I saw how you crossed yourself." "Ah, no, padre, i was just checking." "Checking for what?" "Checking, if I still has four most important things: glasses, d*ck, pocket watch and a wallet."

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 22, 2010 04:05PM

A prayer started it all ...

Dear Lord Almighty
please give me
strength and wisdom
to make good Km macros
and forgive me
if I still use word
Fireshit (TM) for Firefox
too many times.
See you tomorrow.
Logging off
Yours truely
Disrupted

P. S. Did you have time to take a sneak peak in Heaven.kmm I made yesterday? Is it any good?

God:"Ah, this Disrupted! Fireshit (TM)! Good! Good! How did I not think of that?"

God begins to laugh and claps his hands together. The sound of his voice bursts two angel's eardrums, while a sound of clapping kills two devils in the Hell. News about 13 dead Satan worshipers were false though, because only 12 of them died instantly. 13th worshiper named Mike "The Fuc*" Hardy went mad and began to sell stolen software on the internet.

Rumor has it that sound of clapping was so great it traveled to the young Earth and *disrupted* the primordial soup which in distress produced a first living organism on this planet.

Theologian wildly disputed this claims after that, though. Nevertheless, zoologist Frank Bacon from the Boston university found out something incredible. "An hour after Heaven mayhem something happened to Kmeleons, which I study. They began to move 10-15 % faster. Well, they seemed pleased. I could swear that they are smiling when they are running around."

"What is more incredible is that I found a strange cell structure inside them with a word veloz.kmm written on them. I cannot open them, though. I went online with Firesh ... eh ... Firefox and did not find anything. I just know that other Chameleons (v. 1.0 1999 Flying Crocodile Inc. All Rights Reserved) are not affected, are still slow and have a lot of BUGS on them. It is a complete mystery to me," said Bacon.

God:"Archangel Gabriel, do you know when Kmeleon 1.6 is coming out? No? Damn it, I cannot wait any longer! The pressure is killing me. You get it? Killing me? Me, a God?"

God began to clap again and in that moment universe collapsed. But that is another story ...

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: January 22, 2010 04:11PM



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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: desga2
Date: February 05, 2010 03:20AM
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Re: jose luis
Posted by: disrupted
Date: February 05, 2010 05:41AM

jose luis has no right to be depressed :d
hey panz, seen avatar and you're right even the na'vis sound and act like native americans. the 3d is amazing but the story is bullshit; at least pocahontas was based on a true story

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Re: jose luis
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 05, 2010 11:03PM

Sadly, Avatar is going to get Oscar for best film, I believe. Sadly so, this sentence is not a joke. confused smiley



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2010 11:04PM by panzer.

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Re: jose luis
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 09, 2010 11:11PM



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Re: jose luis
Posted by: disrupted
Date: February 10, 2010 01:31AM

grinning smiley maybe then he'll quit smoking cigarettes

go compare ads
http://www.gocompare.com/press-office/tv-advert.aspx

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Re: jose luis
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 11, 2010 04:21AM






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Re: jose luis
Posted by: disrupted
Date: February 11, 2010 05:37AM

grinning smiley multitask stone.. the rosetta is multilingual too

ipad is quite a disappoint and a big hype over nothing

hitler's thoughts about it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQnT0zp8Ya4

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 13, 2010 04:49AM

edited



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2010 04:49AM by panzer.

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: disrupted
Date: February 13, 2010 02:35PM

more girls for you


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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 14, 2010 05:53PM

Perfect girl for me (and cober girl for Kmeleon) found at last:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPQRlxEnaA8&feature=fvsr



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/14/2010 05:57PM by panzer.

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 14, 2010 07:27PM
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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 14, 2010 07:34PM

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

ALL OF THEM.

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 19, 2010 01:41AM

USA wanted to send its top spy in Soviet Union. Well, he was young, agile, smart, he spend 2 years training in wilderness for this mission. Yet, when he came out of the plane in Moscow, he was killed instantly.

How could this blunder happen?

He was BLACK.

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 23, 2010 12:16AM



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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 24, 2010 01:14AM

One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 24, 2010 01:15AM

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 24, 2010 01:15AM

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

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Re: No Joke!mad smiley
Posted by: panzer
Date: February 24, 2010 01:17AM

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her s*xual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

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