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[quote="Gorilla no baka"]
1. Two blondes walked into a building...........you'd think at least
> one of them would have seen it.
>
> 2. Phone answering machine message – '………..If you want marijuana,
> press the hash key...'
>
> 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
> The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
>
> 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him £50 that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks
> are too high..'
>
> 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
>
> 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know
> you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
>
> 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
>
> 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
> craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
> with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
> 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
> Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
>
> 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'.
> 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
> 'Is it common? '
> 'It's not unusual.'
>
> 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is
> there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have
> a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
> checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him
> down.'
> 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
> 'No, because he's really heavy'
>
> 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
> my backside.'
> 'How's that?'
> 'Don't you start.'
>
> 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
>
> 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
> give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your
> oyster, go for it.'
>
> 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
> People in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
> my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
> But I think it's Colin.
>
> 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
> other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!'
>
> 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
> and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the
> other one off.
>
> 21... 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
> today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking
> Fine.' So that was nice.'
>
> 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
> several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'
>
> 23. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
> small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
> and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
> number to climb as digging continues into the night.[/quote]

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